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A story by Haritha Sivakumar l Monday Blossoms
The bedsheets ruffled, and the bed screeched as the body shifted to the other side- the breathing got heavier, and even though the winter night, drops of sweat broke free from his head as his lips parted and his eyes flashed open wild in fear. He felt the sour bile rising again in his mouth as he jumped up, crossed the crib, and went straight to the bathroom and retched.
The flashes of dream occupied his mind like bolts of lightning. The smell of blood -the fall into the pit- the accident-fall from the waterfall- the suffocation underwater; all these scenes appeared as entwined memories making no sense to him.
Still jolted by the nightmare, he pulled down his trousers and flushed himself out while feeling light on his head. Then, slowly he heard the sound, the banging sound of the door, "Surya. Surya!" Mythra was calling out to him, a bit tense. "Are you alright, Surya?"
Surya washed his hands, and face and rinsed his mouth before opening the door. In front of him, Mythra stood with puffy eyes, hair all messed up by the pillow, while her thalli, nuptial chain lying close to her neck, giving a feeling of suffocation to the onlooker. Mythra blinked quite a few times as she got adjusted to the bright lights from the bathroom. "What happened?" she asked in a groggy voice staring at her husband's beaten face and shivering bare chest." Are you okay?!"
"Mmmm" he nodded as he switched off the light and sat on the bed. "I just retched, badly." He said as he took the glass of water from Mythra.
‘Ah. It was a bit oily today. You might have had indigestion due to the oily chicken. How are you feeling now? You want me to give you any medicines.’ She asked with concern. Surya just shook his head, now the amorphous dream appeared to leave a more loathing feeling than any vision.
Without hesitation, the words hit the surface before he knew, "Nightmare."
"Ayyo! You saw a bad nightmare, huh? Come here." Mythra cuddled him as she took him in her hands and planted a kiss on his forehead, like the way she does to their two-year-old twins in similar situations.
Surya hugged his wife and rested his head on her chest, feeling safe in her arms. He let her soothe him into the sleep, which he was afraid to do so- alone.
It was the sounds of the anklets that stirred the tired eyes of Surya, to the morning scenes in his house. Ranjini, Mythra’s mother, was sipping on the hot chai, slowly like a bird picking on its food. 'Even her stature reminds me of a sparrow', Surya thought as he tossed to the other while pulling the blanket closer to his chin.
Mythra came to the hall and handed the money and a list to Marikozhunthu, their servant "Kaykari bazaar la poye vangidu vanthriunga. Kathrika vangavena irukku [En.Tl] Please, buy the vegetables from the bazaar, and you may skip the eggplant, as we have them already" As the servant went out Mythra scooped her two-year-old toddler son from falling from the couch and carried him to the nearby seat and sat there facing her mother. And they started discussing their unfinished discussion about Mythra rejoining her practice.
"You are a blessed doctor Mythra. You cannot just sit around here and let go of who you are. Moreover, the kids are growing up. You both can take shifts in taking care of the kids or we can put them in daycare. Even Surya feels the same, he can understand how much you miss working. What you are doing with your life is unacceptable. Haven’t we all taken good care of you as a child while we worked? I just don’t want a good doctor like you to perish in the smoke of households. Finally, it’s your wish." Ranjini ended her speech by throwing her defeated palms into the air before returning to sipping her chai.
"Of course, Amma it is her wish, we can’t force her into anything. Whatever is your decision I am there with you." Surya slumped down on the couch after giving a pleasantry to his mother-in-law. "Dabbuma!" Surya kissed his daughter's head who was busy breaking a helicopter. She turned around her small baby head to look at her father's tired face. She kept staring at him for a long moment, with inert concern, before continuing to break the helicopter wings. Soon, when her twin, Duggu joined her she stuffed the broken wing into his mouth as if it was
something she baked and he munched on it as if it was some delicacy. Surya moved closer to his children and grabbed the broken toy from his daughter's clutches when he felt the jolting again. The same distorted dream sequences flashed into his head- the crashing and splintering of the glasses-those eyes with fear so empowering that it scared the hell out of him- the splashes of water-his fall- a star- fingers-mud-suffocation- Surya sighed as he fell on the couch.
"Surya!!!" the voice he thought he forgot, echoed throughout his house, he felt her sweet voice thumping on his eardrums. ‘Surya!’ she called him. He felt her bracelets with the moons scratch against his rough skin.
"Churya!!!" Advith, his two-year-old son called out to his shivering father, while clutching the foot of the couch. Surya stared at his son then at his daughter who was staring at him concernedly. Surya walked up towards the fluttering calendar with a frantic heart and ears bleating with her voice, while his sense involuntarily took him towards those days which he willfully wants to forget. He wiped the sweat from his upper lips as he pressed his palm to the calendar, July 15 the calendar reminded him, 'Not yet. No. It's over. The date has crossed, then why now? I might be hallucinating. Stupid dreams. SHIT!' Surya spoke to himself, before his eyes registered on July 30th. He smiled as it was the day his kids were born. He smiled broadly as returned to the couch and scooped them up in his hands and kissed them. The boy cracked up as he saw his grandmother and went along to play with her, while Dabbu touched her father’s damp forehead concernedly, "Chu..ia.." she tried to mouth her father’s name. He smiled as he kissed her on the cheeks and tickled her, "I am fine my darling." He tenderly replied to the unfinished question. She then nuzzled onto his broad chest and soon drowsed off, resting for the early rise she had.
The day was slower than he anticipated- his work, the meetings, and even his social networking sites all bored him and kept reminding him of the only thing- those memories. And, whenever he felt the scenes hoist up, Surya jabbed his head to shut them back. Because it has been 10 years since he moved away from that life. He cut people from there, he cut memories out of his vein, and he uprooted himself from that life because he never wants to return to it. However, after 10 years they have made their way back. The fresh brewing smell of coffee or the perfume of his colleague all reminded him of those days- of her.
And, when it turned five in the evening, he was pleased to go back home, but the soft smell of the fresh aqua-rose water suffocated him- it bothered him- he felt his breath sending shots of fire down his body. When the lift door stood ajar in the parking lot, he ran towards his car through the dimly lit garage. He pressed his car key buttons repeatedly to open the doors, even wishing for it to stand ajar welcoming him to protect him from all this mayhem. Finally, the door of his blue Ritz opened and he sat inside the car with a racing heart, when the droplets fell on the windscreen. Slowly but steadily- one by one- the droplets covered his windscreen while the same sweet fresh aqua rose-water scent filled his nostrils. He pressed the car engine to life, but instead of taking it ahead, Surya raced the car to reverse and hit the pillar in the back with a crashing sound of the broken glass filling the space. Instantly, he felt the liquor bottle crashing on his head while blood trailed down his nape.‘SURYAAAA!’ Vaidehi’s voice was screeching near his. Her bellowing continued to circle in his ears painfully, until "Surya sir! Sir!" A panicked watchman knocked on the car window, as he saw the crouched Surya screaming his mind out inside the car with bleeding lips. Surya jerked up to meet a confused and concerned-looking watchman staring at him, as he felt the blood in his mouth and saw the absence of water droplets on his windscreen. I was hallucinating again. Surya cursed himself as he raised his hands to show he was okay and sprinted out of the dim garage to the colourful streets of Coimbatore.
He felt the guilt rising again, he felt the commotion of emotions again, he just wanted to be back with Mythra- in her arms- feeling safe from the unspoken truth of his past. But he stopped before the coffee shop and grabbed a coffee and blueberry muffins for his family when he met his fear, outside the glass doors. Surya felt his breathing getting shallow as he stared at the dark grey eyes of the man, while the white handle moustache looked fearsome above the tight lips, of the old man in his early seventies with a bald round head wrinkled with years of sadness. Surya gritted his teeth painfully, as he finally came across the man he feared most, Mr Nagarajan Chettiar. In a crisp and immaculate white shirt and dhoti, Mr Nagarajan Chettiar walked over the steps and pushed the glass door aside. Surya forgot to breathe while his take-out was threatened to fall from his hands, Mr. Nagarajan Chettair crossed Surya unnoticing anything unusual around him.
Like a 10-year-old scrambling away from his fear, Surya ran towards his car and dashed to his home. He didn’t speak or actively participate in anything until the small family finished their dinner, and Mythra put their children to sleep before coming back to the kitchen to help the Surya with the dishes. She stared at him for a second then moved on to clean the stove.
"You know what just happened now, I was putting the kids down to sleep and Dhutta, was trying to mouth your name, and she was so worried like a grown-up. She couldn’t speak out the words so she acted out asking me if you were alright. Mr Surya, I think we are growing old, our kids are growing up. They are slowly recognizing things whenever there is a change or when we are in tension they all sense it. Don’t you think?" Mythra turned around to stare at her husband, who seemed spaced out. " Surya. SURYA!!! Enna achu [En. Tl] What is up with you?!’ Surya stood there soaping an already lathered plate. Mythra stopped near her husband soaked her hand under the running tap and splashed the water onto Surya’s face with a fruitful success of retrieving him from his reverie.
"Enna achu Vaidehi [En. Tl], what happened Vaidehi ?" Surya enquired bit startled while Mythra frowned at him.
Did I say that name out loud? But, why in all these years do I have to say her name? What is happening? Thousands of memories-millions of events- zillions of feeling-and one single accident all soared back into Surya's life. Guilt. Remorse. Fear. Curiosity. But he was determined not to think about any, yet the dreams. The same dreams soared back to him when the tired body hit the pillows. Mythra felt the restlessness of sleep-deprived Surya with black circles and wild fear felt eyes roaming in the rooms taking naps near their children. She found him in constant hysteria as he would freak out at the small snap of the curtain or stand near the chair clutching its cushion or the curtains as if to escape some unobvious noise with which she was unacquainted too.
Finally, when the dreams became more prominently clear, the voices Surya heard became more evident to him. He could understand that he wasn’t hallucinating- indeed it was his name that voice called out, and it was Vaidehi’s voice. It was hers alone. He could sense her near him, feel her, smelt her scent near him, heard her faint laugh, and realised his vulnerable question raising to his conscience- What happened to her? What happened after I left India? Is she still alive, or did her brother kill her? I left her to them alone. I should have stayed. And, you forgot her- you tried to forget her. Yet another voice spoke back, she might not have died. How can a brother kill his sister? Surya, you couldn’t have probably stayed with her, she was right, they would have definitely killed you, but they wouldn’t risk killing her if they knew you weren't a couple. Nevertheless, you forgot her- you forgot the girl who saved- Again that earthen smell filled his nostrils and the screech of Mythra filled his ears, someone was killing her. Surya tried to raise from the mud, he knew his hands and legs weren’t tied yet his body felt reluctant to move he wanted to cry yet the sound never came out. He saw the blood flowing from Mythra’s abdomen, her eyes bloodshot, lips parted, hair damn due to sweat, broken glass bangles dangling from her wrist and she raised her right hand the thick blood dripped from her fingers and there under the wrist a star tattoo glowed."Surya run!!!!"The wild eyes of Vaidehi were closer to his, her lips parted to a smile. They both were sitting on an elephant enjoying the ramp through the college. The whole college was looking at them in awe. they stared at each other as they laughed and enjoyed, Vaidehi felt the adrenaline rise, felt the shock run through her cells as Surya leaned closer to her, noses touching the tips, lips parted. They fell with a blow as the broken glasses shattered and turned into huge snakes. Surya wanted to tear the snake away from his neck, but the huge snake tightened its hold on him- tighter- tighter. He felt his breath getting shorter, eyesight blurring, tongue dangling in the middle, and as he died he heard the voice again, 'Surya Poooo!’ he felt his world go dark.
The eyes shot open, "SURYA!!" Mythra was sitting across him, the room was lit with lights, and the twins were crying in the background but Mythra was there consoling him, caressing him with calm soothing words as he sobbed. When Surya felt relatably calm both the parents soothed their children to sleep.
"Surya, Jann! What is happening with you? Are you in some trouble? You have to tell me what it is that is bothering you. What are you so afraid of?? What is bothering you? Enkitta solu[En. Tl] tell me."
"Don’t hate me after this please!" Surya requested with sorrow in his eyes, " I didn’t know why I did it. I shouldn’t have, but I did it. I was a kid back then, Mythra, I wasn’t a hero. I was just 19 years old Mythra."
"Shuuu… I am not here to judge you." Mythra planted a kiss on his shoulder as she held his hand in hers "tell me."
And like that he spoke about his past, his least spoken past- the past when Surya was an Under Graduate student, the time when he shined in the college as the star- the Thala of college, the charmer, everyone’s favourite, teacher’s pet and so is juniors darling. Yet he was the Fan of only one girl, Vaidehi Nagarajan. The most desirable girl in the college and his very batchmate. The spirited Literature girl was smart and graceful to charm even the roughest stone with her sharp mind and witty attitude. Surya and Vaidehi were the desired couple of the college and all wanted to resemble their love story. Even though, both of them belonged to different departments but they spent maximum time together, they did programs together, cheered each other, teased one another and loved to spend time together, yet they both knew they weren’t there, where the world believed them to be in love. However, the eye of society was ahead in one step and so the assumptions came by. Even though Vaidehi suffered a lot of complications due to their relationship in her orthodox house yet she never let that surface in her relationship with Surya, and Surya never acted too obvious about this fact. Until the last exam of the fifth semester.
Vaidehi and Surya were sitting on a low trunk of a tree which was growing beside the small river with its body growing horizontal to the river. Vaidehi was soaking her feet in the cool water as she laughed at Surya for he was snorting like a pig while laughing. He laughed along with her and then like that, Vaidehi leaned over and kissed him. "I was wondering what the fuss is all about, even without us doing anything," Surya was taken aback for a moment not knowing how to react. "Well!! We shouldn’t do it. It's wrong." Surya said meekly.
"Wrong. Ya. What! Which one, the kiss or love!?" Vaidehi questioned.
"Oh no! The kiss was good definitely, wrong is love.’ Surya blurted out laughing at their stupidity.
"Ya, the kiss was definitely good. But we will- we can’t be in that right? No!" she said shaking her head.
"Ya. Totally. It's us, Surya and Vaidehi- pfff- we are buddies." Surya beamed as he spread his arms and wrapped them around Vaidehi who laughed along with him.
Suddenly a jolting spasm ran through Surya's body as a liquor bottle crashed onto his head. As he breathed through shock, the blood and liquor covered his nostrils and he felt himself crashing into the river. His legs jabbed across some sharp stone and another sneering pain crashed into his soul. Panic surfacing his practicality, Surya felt immobile and unable to swim as he thumped and dashed through the water fervently until he felt Vaidehi dragging him along with her to the opposite bank.
"Surya, wake up! Wake up SURYA! It's my brother and his friends, they are all drunk. We need to get out of here, Surya. They won’t listen to us. Please, enthiri Surya. Surya Please!!" Vaidehi half pleaded- half scolded to a hazed Surya.
Surya stood up letting out a sharp cry as the injured knee cried in a reluctance to move. He coughed through his tears as he saw the wobbling drunkards crossing the river slipping and wobbling over stones. "Vaidehiii!" the rasping bellowings of the brother filled the surroundings, while a bird or two flew out in fear as the two started running into the depths of the coconut plantation. The dark sky closed the last chance of light for them as they ran for their life. Vaidehi half-dragged- cried-carried Surya, when his knee gave jolts of pain that made him unconscious to all the other senses. But it was the small pit obscured in the darkness, that twisted their life. They both fell into it and Surya felt his world shred into parts as the pain jeered through all the veins in his body and the ankle sprained with the fall and Vaidehi falling over him.
"Come on Surya," Vaidehi tried helping him up. "Enthiri Surya [En. Tl] Get up Surya. Come on !" and that’s when another liquor bottle crashed across her right hand tearing through her flesh leaving her with a bloodied hand. She cursed under her breath at the pain while the sight of her brother and his friends running closer to their vicinity frightened her. Vaidehi turned to face Surya, her face hard as a stone, voicing something very troublesome yet she drove out the words determinedly, "You need to go Surya. Run. They won’t hurt you if they get me. Do you understand me? Run!"
‘What! What?" Surya blurted out enraged "Are you mental? Come let's go." He screamed through the pain trying to run along with her. "NO! Surya listen-"
"NO. Listen to me Vaidehi! We both were pulled in this together, and we will face it together."
"No, you don’t know my family, Surya. Run. Save yourself! Please, they are mistaken, I will clear it. But if they get to you, they will kill you. They won't even listen to us. So, please go. Please! You have to trust me, Surya." She stared at him and he felt her eyes twinkle with tears even through the darkness, " Please promise me, you will never forget me."
"Never!" Surya felt suffocated as something clawed at his lungs, eyes brimmed with tears, and he felt the weight of separation on his heart. " V! Please come with me. We-" Surya pleaded but Vaidehi sealed the line with her lips on his "I always loved you Surya, and will always do. Go now before they kill you." She then nudged him forward "Poo SURYA! Goo SURYA " the star tattoo on her right wrist beamed before him as a wooden log dashed on her back and without turning back Surya ran away from the steps closing by. Yet he soon outran the wobbly drunkards and met the road from where he took his parked car and escaped, from that world forever.
"I didn’t go back to the college after that. I shut my friends and I shut everything related to the place. I never wanted or tried to know what happened to her. I never wanted the truth to surface me. I was afraid- I was guilty- I was ashamed of myself for letting the girl who loved me the pack of wolves alone. I was a scoundrel.."
"What happened to her?" Mythra asked.
"I don’t know. I never tried to know. The very next day Appa (Father in Tamil) send me away to Singapore. I never tried to know what happened to her. Even though many times hundreds of questions were raised in my head, I never tried to find answers to them. I just shut myself from remembering her-"
"How couldn’t you know anything about her for 10 years?! Don’t you know any of your old friends? How come - She might not have died, or else you might have come across it. Come on, there might have been a case right? How come this went unknown?" Mythra spoke to herself than to Surya, as questions fondled her mind.
"I don’t know!" Surya gritted his teeth.
"Okay, Surya, why then after these many years you feel her again. Why?? If you think you can feel her, then what's the reason for her to be back now than before. What is the incomplete thing left behind?"
"I don’t know." Surya whimpered and lay down on Mythra’s lap wondering the answers to the very questions- What happened to her? Is she alive? If she is, where is she? What happened that night after I left her????
The eyes were sore when Surya washed his face the next day. His body felt worn out so was his mind. He didn’t want to go to his office yet he had to because there was an upcoming important presentation in which his guidance was required for his team, he was unsure about his contribution today yet his presence was indivisible thus he got ready and sat there nibbling on his food.
"Surya, whatever has happened has happened. It was your guilt that busted out, yesterday night. We can't deny the fact that what happened was unfortunate, yet I think you should not carry that burden anymore. Any person in such a situation would have reacted in the same unfortunate manner. So, stop fussing over it. I am Vaidehi, where ever she is safe and leading a happy life now. Okay?! Now go to the office, life doesn’t stop here, Surya. Everyone has their baggage, you have yours and I have mine, that's what makes us human. So, get going."
Mythra pulled him up and thrust the bag onto his chest and nudged him forward to the door, as he moved reluctantly towards the door "Surya Go!" Mythra kissed him on his cheek with a heart-throbbing smile. "Chuyaaa PO!" but the voice was so close- so close to the sweet voice of Vaidehi's, 'POoo Surya!’ Surya felt his mouth go dry for a second as he stared at his daughter, who was playing with a building set. She was holding a block with her right chubby palm while a long drool stuck to the tip of her lips, where formerly she was biting the block. Her soft black hair rustled like her mother Mythra, but those eyes he couldn’t digest- it bore the same intensity as hers- Vaidehi’s eyes. The same brown almond eyes, that recognized him. Then at that moment truth and reality registered in him as words swirled in his head.
What happened to her- our kids are growing up- she might have died- they can recognize our pain- the dream, fall, the suffocation he felt in the dream- she couldn’t speak out the words so she actioned out asking me if you were alright- the bloody tattoo on the wrist- the snakes on his throat- Promise me, you won’t forget me. Surya Poo- the almond eyes- the smile- the concern on Dutta’s face- I always loved you Surya and will always do- Everything fell into place.
Surya stood there as the truth slapped itself on his face, his rasping breath shocked Mythra as she stood there watching from her husband to her daughter. Finally, Surya opened his mouth and his voice wavered as he stared at his daughter who stared back at him, with her brown-almond eyes, "Vaidehi!"
She was his daughter.
THE END.